1
00:00:01,770 --> 00:00:03,210
I just love your sister, boys.

2
00:00:03,550 --> 00:00:06,510
Cannae help flatten that big sexy bum
bit.

3
00:00:06,790 --> 00:00:11,650
I want yous to know that I'll never be
around by it. This is your seat here,

4
00:00:11,890 --> 00:00:13,330
right beside my dad's chinos.

5
00:00:13,470 --> 00:00:15,850
I have long -standing issues with my
dad.

6
00:00:15,851 --> 00:00:17,449
He never taught me anything.

7
00:00:17,450 --> 00:00:19,980
It can be a bit much when they all get
together, eh?

8
00:00:20,590 --> 00:00:21,640
Enough!

9
00:00:23,110 --> 00:00:26,230
I think it is time that Darren joined
our sisterhood.

10
00:00:26,510 --> 00:00:27,570
Sisters. Sisters.

11
00:00:27,990 --> 00:00:29,040
Sisters.

12
00:00:39,190 --> 00:00:42,850
So, I decide to treat my ma to a wee
surprise visit.

13
00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:48,269
You want to treat me? But let me know in
advance when you're coming, so I can

14
00:00:48,270 --> 00:00:49,770
arrange to be out.

15
00:00:49,771 --> 00:00:56,809
Somebody was insulating a law, and she
got them to bring down all the old boxes

16
00:00:56,810 --> 00:00:58,549
lying up there so she could dump them.

17
00:00:58,550 --> 00:00:59,870
And what's in these boxes?

18
00:01:00,390 --> 00:01:01,440
Your things.

19
00:01:01,441 --> 00:01:02,569
Your memories.

20
00:01:02,570 --> 00:01:03,620
Your past.

21
00:01:05,550 --> 00:01:07,390
Leave the past where it belongs.

22
00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:08,970
in the bin.

23
00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:11,530
Hey!

24
00:01:13,420 --> 00:01:17,459
I thought it would be fun to get the
family over to go through all this stuff

25
00:01:17,460 --> 00:01:18,510
together.

26
00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:22,240
Can you believe that my ma was just
gonna throw this stuff out?

27
00:01:22,241 --> 00:01:25,219
There'll be a lot of rubbish no worth
keeping. My ma's just no a hoarder.

28
00:01:25,220 --> 00:01:26,270
Not like you.

29
00:01:26,380 --> 00:01:27,880
Right, all right, Marie Kondo.

30
00:01:27,881 --> 00:01:31,269
See, if you were just to keep the stuff
that sparks joy in you, the only thing

31
00:01:31,270 --> 00:01:34,640
you'd have in your house is that Nick
Knows DVD about DIY disasters.

32
00:01:34,930 --> 00:01:38,470
I can't put up a banister with it using
a stud finder.

33
00:01:40,030 --> 00:01:45,090
Well, I was at my mum's last week and I
found my old Jamie Theakston calendar.

34
00:01:45,690 --> 00:01:46,740
This'll be fun.

35
00:01:46,741 --> 00:01:49,289
Yeah, my dad's old Celtic programmes are
in here.

36
00:01:49,290 --> 00:01:53,029
I'll be keeping these. This'll remind me
of that Celtic Motherwell game my dad

37
00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:54,170
said he would take me to.

38
00:01:54,310 --> 00:01:55,360
But never did.

39
00:01:55,650 --> 00:01:56,700
Aye, well.

40
00:01:56,701 --> 00:01:59,369
The programme's just like being there,
ain't it?

41
00:01:59,370 --> 00:02:00,870
Oh, everybody's here.

42
00:02:01,270 --> 00:02:02,320
Can I look now?

43
00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:04,340
Aw.

44
00:02:05,270 --> 00:02:07,130
That old disco dancing costume.

45
00:02:07,670 --> 00:02:09,530
You'd get 40 quid and boo -hoo for this.

46
00:02:09,789 --> 00:02:12,559
Makes me boo -hoo that you think 40 quid
is a lot of money.

47
00:02:13,330 --> 00:02:14,990
Shh. That's the wind down.

48
00:02:15,370 --> 00:02:18,290
Let's try and keep the nose down a
wee... Oh, my little pony.

49
00:02:21,750 --> 00:02:22,910
Dig deeper, Darren.

50
00:02:23,470 --> 00:02:25,130
You might find a top wi' slaves.

51
00:02:26,220 --> 00:02:27,560
Laura, Darren.

52
00:02:27,900 --> 00:02:32,339
Hi. Since this lot will be wallowing in
nostalgia, I've set up a little surprise

53
00:02:32,340 --> 00:02:33,800
treat for the sisterhood.

54
00:02:33,801 --> 00:02:35,239
Really?

55
00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:36,880
Sisters. Sisters.

56
00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:38,930
Sisters.

57
00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:47,319
Here's the thing about boxes up lofts.
There's always family secrets inside

58
00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:48,840
them. And I'm going to find them.

59
00:02:49,460 --> 00:02:50,510
Oh, hey.

60
00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:52,100
That'll be my higher art folder.

61
00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:53,790
Man!

62
00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:58,250
Shinji's Evangelion. Well, I was going
through a wee Kadokawa shot -in period.

63
00:02:58,940 --> 00:03:01,440
Coincided with canny -get -a -burden
period.

64
00:03:03,460 --> 00:03:06,830
Can I take this and put it up on my wall
in my new place when I move out?

65
00:03:06,860 --> 00:03:07,910
Mate, absolutely.

66
00:03:07,911 --> 00:03:11,099
Listen, there's nobody else on this
planet I would trust, Mayor, with my

67
00:03:11,100 --> 00:03:12,150
bio -machine.

68
00:03:12,411 --> 00:03:14,439
Oh, yep.

69
00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:16,580
Sis. Old Glen Campbell vinyl.

70
00:03:16,980 --> 00:03:19,090
When was Glen no playing in the house,
eh?

71
00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:22,700
I am a linesman at Ross County.

72
00:03:22,701 --> 00:03:27,519
No, no, no, listen, do not disrespect
the greatest song ever written, mate,

73
00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:28,570
right?

74
00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:30,170
What is this?

75
00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:35,770
That's a nun.

76
00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:38,160
Do you get out of me, Jason?

77
00:03:38,380 --> 00:03:39,430
Who is that?

78
00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:41,490
I don't know.

79
00:03:43,580 --> 00:03:44,630
Is that my granda?

80
00:03:45,420 --> 00:03:48,420
No. My ma's gathered my dad's ashes at
Pollock Park.

81
00:03:48,740 --> 00:03:50,240
My gran are granda Devlin?

82
00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:51,570
No, they were buried.

83
00:03:51,740 --> 00:03:52,790
Granny Scott, I know.

84
00:03:54,579 --> 00:03:55,629
Grandascot? Aye.

85
00:03:55,630 --> 00:03:58,939
He was cremated, but the family bent a
scar on my lard, and they all got pushed

86
00:03:58,940 --> 00:04:00,200
and left them on the train.

87
00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:01,370
Lost them.

88
00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:02,800
Well, who could they be?

89
00:04:03,420 --> 00:04:04,980
There's only one way to find out.

90
00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:06,800
Let's talk to my mammy.

91
00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:11,600
Now, you will have noticed that I look
amazing all of the time.

92
00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:14,730
Aye.

93
00:04:15,300 --> 00:04:17,350
Well, I'll let you in on one of my
secrets.

94
00:04:22,670 --> 00:04:23,910
The Glam Squad.

95
00:04:24,330 --> 00:04:25,950
On call 24 -7.

96
00:04:26,190 --> 00:04:28,190
And today, ladies, they're all yours.

97
00:04:30,410 --> 00:04:31,460
Laura, this way.

98
00:04:32,530 --> 00:04:34,210
They're kind of like the Avengers.

99
00:04:34,290 --> 00:04:38,020
If the Avengers were wee lassies with
infermline with too much make -up on.

100
00:04:39,450 --> 00:04:41,130
Why are you sitting like that?

101
00:04:41,930 --> 00:04:42,980
Who is Dean?

102
00:04:43,350 --> 00:04:44,400
Nave to his Dean.

103
00:04:44,610 --> 00:04:45,910
Well, no lately.

104
00:04:49,090 --> 00:04:50,140
Who's us?

105
00:04:51,330 --> 00:04:52,850
Oh, shite.

106
00:04:53,310 --> 00:04:55,950
Well? No point in lying now.

107
00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:57,380
It's your feather.

108
00:05:00,210 --> 00:05:01,260
What?

109
00:05:06,650 --> 00:05:08,830
This is amazing.

110
00:05:09,170 --> 00:05:12,240
I've never been glam by a squad before.
What's your name, pal?

111
00:05:12,590 --> 00:05:17,530
Emma. And that's a name you'll never
forget. Cos I am going to rock your

112
00:05:17,870 --> 00:05:19,550
gorgeous. Oh, wow.

113
00:05:19,910 --> 00:05:20,960
Glam me up.

114
00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:23,020
These girls are so dramatic.

115
00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:25,140
They're worth every penny.

116
00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:27,360
A guy could get used to this.

117
00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:29,760
You know, Darren,

118
00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:34,780
as sisters, Laura and I tell one another
everything, don't we?

119
00:05:36,260 --> 00:05:37,960
Everything? Pretty much.

120
00:05:38,180 --> 00:05:41,640
We talk about our hopes and our dreams,
our sex lives.

121
00:05:41,641 --> 00:05:46,139
I don't want to hear about Henry's Peely
Wally bum thrashing about or anything

122
00:05:46,140 --> 00:05:46,739
like that.

123
00:05:46,740 --> 00:05:48,000
That's too intense for me.

124
00:05:48,001 --> 00:05:51,479
That's what the sisterhood's all about,
Darren.

125
00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:55,280
Sharing. But we rarely get a chance to
properly talk with you.

126
00:05:55,281 --> 00:05:58,779
Not with Colette standing guard
finishing all your six syllables.

127
00:05:58,780 --> 00:06:04,279
So today we're going to relax, get glam,
and get to know Darren and what he

128
00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:05,330
wants from life.

129
00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:08,600
Colette! What do you want for life?

130
00:06:09,860 --> 00:06:11,260
How can it be my da?

131
00:06:11,740 --> 00:06:13,580
You scattered my da in Pollock Park.

132
00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:18,520
I know I said I, but I never actually
did.

133
00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:19,810
What?

134
00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:23,600
He wanted his ashes scattered at Celtic
Park.

135
00:06:23,601 --> 00:06:24,939
And he don't allow that?

136
00:06:24,940 --> 00:06:27,420
No. But he liked Pollock Park.

137
00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:30,040
So I went to sprinkle him round there.

138
00:06:30,460 --> 00:06:33,000
Sprinkle? It's my da, no icing sugar.

139
00:06:33,740 --> 00:06:35,800
Then I thought, bugger that.

140
00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:37,760
He's no going there either.

141
00:06:37,761 --> 00:06:39,339
How no?

142
00:06:39,340 --> 00:06:44,979
Cos I like Pollock Park and I don't want
his spirit hanging about it like a duck

143
00:06:44,980 --> 00:06:46,860
fart. So you put him up the loft?

144
00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:50,980
I nearly poured him down a stank first
outside his local.

145
00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:56,919
He went in the wardrobe, then the drying
cupboard, then the loft, then I forgot

146
00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:57,859
all about him.

147
00:06:57,860 --> 00:07:03,419
So you're telling me that my dad's been
in the house all these years, just being

148
00:07:03,420 --> 00:07:07,040
ignored? What did you want me to do?
Make him mince and toties?

149
00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:09,180
So what do you want us to do with him?

150
00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:11,980
I've made my peace with that man.

151
00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:14,840
Youse do what youse want with him.

152
00:07:14,841 --> 00:07:16,409
Brown bin.

153
00:07:16,410 --> 00:07:17,850
For organic matter, mind.

154
00:07:18,390 --> 00:07:19,550
Mummy, go and stop.

155
00:07:19,770 --> 00:07:22,570
Oh, look there, Jean.

156
00:07:23,970 --> 00:07:26,290
Here's to take me away to the bingo,
aye.

157
00:07:26,690 --> 00:07:27,740
I'm away.

158
00:07:30,090 --> 00:07:31,590
Well, are we going to tell you?

159
00:07:36,050 --> 00:07:37,100
What have you found?

160
00:07:37,470 --> 00:07:41,440
The chance to discover some embarrassing
family photos hidden in these boxes.

161
00:07:41,850 --> 00:07:42,900
Home time.

162
00:07:45,940 --> 00:07:47,120
Gran hasn't changed.

163
00:07:47,840 --> 00:07:50,640
We are going to uncover some dark family
secrets.

164
00:07:50,641 --> 00:07:54,799
Do you think my da actually played with
these things?

165
00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:56,280
I was a wee guy once.

166
00:07:57,480 --> 00:08:00,250
It's literally impossible to imagine my
da as a wee guy.

167
00:08:00,251 --> 00:08:03,499
Do you think he just walked about his
primary school with a wee toolbox to fix

168
00:08:03,500 --> 00:08:04,479
something?

169
00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:05,920
Miss, who put that shelf up?

170
00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:07,530
Cowboys, miss.

171
00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:11,610
Here's one of my dad's old school
chores.

172
00:08:12,340 --> 00:08:13,390
Right, da.

173
00:08:13,610 --> 00:08:15,230
Let's find out who you really are.

174
00:08:22,950 --> 00:08:24,000
So,

175
00:08:24,390 --> 00:08:25,650
what do you want to know?

176
00:08:26,110 --> 00:08:27,160
I'll go first.

177
00:08:27,330 --> 00:08:28,380
First crush.

178
00:08:29,950 --> 00:08:33,010
Oh, you can speak freely in front of the
glam squad.

179
00:08:33,549 --> 00:08:34,730
We're like priests.

180
00:08:34,990 --> 00:08:36,450
We take it to the grave.

181
00:08:36,870 --> 00:08:37,920
Okay.

182
00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:41,809
My first crush was the Cadbury's Caramel
Bonnie.

183
00:08:42,049 --> 00:08:43,099
For the adverts.

184
00:08:43,500 --> 00:08:44,740
I remember her.

185
00:08:45,020 --> 00:08:47,820
Aye. Lovely voice. Wee scarf.

186
00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:51,120
Intelligent. New hunters about
chocolate.

187
00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:53,490
She is a really amazing figure for a
rabbit.

188
00:08:53,580 --> 00:08:57,240
Listen, don't tell Colette I told you
about the caramel bunny.

189
00:08:57,241 --> 00:08:58,499
Why not?

190
00:08:58,500 --> 00:09:00,000
She gets pure jealous about it.

191
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:04,000
I don't care if she's a drawn... She's a
fucking wee boot.

192
00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:06,000
Let's get to the red meat.

193
00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:07,800
Ultimate sexual fantasy.

194
00:09:08,580 --> 00:09:09,630
Bonnie,

195
00:09:09,700 --> 00:09:11,200
I'm getting a pure beamer here.

196
00:09:11,340 --> 00:09:12,600
But I'll tell you's right.

197
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:18,120
My ultimate sexual fantasy is to take
Colette's bra off.

198
00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:22,420
But you must have done that hundreds of
times.

199
00:09:23,100 --> 00:09:25,120
Aye, and I cannae wait to do it again.

200
00:09:26,180 --> 00:09:31,560
Oh, Darren, that is such a cute wee
sexual fantasy. You are so lovely.

201
00:09:33,100 --> 00:09:35,580
Can I ask you's questions?

202
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:40,120
My ma says he wanted scattered at Celtic
Park.

203
00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:41,370
It's not allowed.

204
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,640
What were his favourite places?

205
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:46,480
I'll tell you favourite places.

206
00:09:46,740 --> 00:09:51,780
The pub, the bookies, and between Mary
Ferry's legs.

207
00:09:52,220 --> 00:09:56,220
I don't think she'll let them scatter
him going there.

208
00:09:57,900 --> 00:10:02,559
You know, there are other options that
don't involve just pouring him out like

209
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:03,399
shaken vac.

210
00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:04,450
What options?

211
00:10:04,940 --> 00:10:07,170
We could get the ashes turned into a
diamond.

212
00:10:07,420 --> 00:10:08,470
That's a good idea.

213
00:10:08,740 --> 00:10:10,600
He cannae turn my da into a diamond.

214
00:10:10,601 --> 00:10:12,079
How no?

215
00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:13,760
Cos he'll pawn himself to buy cans.

216
00:10:14,300 --> 00:10:15,980
Stop talking about my da like that.

217
00:10:15,981 --> 00:10:17,159
He's right there.

218
00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:18,210
Henry.

219
00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:20,330
Our wee daddy.

220
00:10:21,020 --> 00:10:22,070
Jesus Christ.

221
00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:27,039
Do you think I was lying in bed thinking
about him all these years and he was

222
00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:29,040
right there the whole time?

223
00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:31,340
Ten feet above my head.

224
00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:32,800
In a cardboard box.

225
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:34,250
Beside he, man.

226
00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:37,760
Listen, let me throw this out here.

227
00:10:38,540 --> 00:10:39,590
Can I keep him?

228
00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:45,659
Once upon a time, a little crab went to
a wishing well and wished for the

229
00:10:45,660 --> 00:10:46,980
biggest claws in the world.

230
00:10:47,140 --> 00:10:48,640
And the wish came true.

231
00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:54,840
But then his claws were too big for his
body and he could not walk anywhere.

232
00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:58,460
And he had no pennies to make another
wish.

233
00:10:59,820 --> 00:11:01,020
And so he died.

234
00:11:01,740 --> 00:11:02,790
The end.

235
00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:06,570
Well,

236
00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:13,399
my da once put his cell inside the mind
of a wee crab and created a tragic

237
00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:17,180
fantasy. My da, that guy.

238
00:11:17,181 --> 00:11:19,479
Well, there's your big family secret.

239
00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:20,920
My da had an imagination once.

240
00:11:21,420 --> 00:11:22,470
No,

241
00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:23,980
there's more to be discovered.

242
00:11:24,340 --> 00:11:25,390
Let's go.

243
00:11:30,140 --> 00:11:33,820
Right, Bonnie, sister, here's a question
for you.

244
00:11:34,350 --> 00:11:35,400
Hit me.

245
00:11:35,690 --> 00:11:38,750
What's something that has made you cry
more than once?

246
00:11:38,970 --> 00:11:40,020
God, Darren.

247
00:11:40,850 --> 00:11:44,030
My two small dance shoes, which are two
sizes too small.

248
00:11:44,031 --> 00:11:47,549
Were you going to go on a diet to fit
into them?

249
00:11:47,550 --> 00:11:48,910
And lose weight on my feet.

250
00:11:49,550 --> 00:11:50,600
Right enough.

251
00:11:51,110 --> 00:11:56,149
I was young, in London, in skin, and I
spoke to my mum on the phone about my

252
00:11:56,150 --> 00:11:57,630
dance shoes disintegrating.

253
00:11:58,550 --> 00:12:00,490
And a week later, these arrived.

254
00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:07,350
Silly pink laces.

255
00:12:07,750 --> 00:12:10,890
Two sizes too small. She had no idea
what size my feet were.

256
00:12:11,590 --> 00:12:14,090
I could never wear them, but oh God, I
love them.

257
00:12:15,770 --> 00:12:17,670
I used to take them to every audition.

258
00:12:18,770 --> 00:12:19,820
Every show.

259
00:12:20,530 --> 00:12:21,770
Stuffed into my bag.

260
00:12:22,750 --> 00:12:24,730
It was proof that my mum cared.

261
00:12:26,790 --> 00:12:27,840
Even just a bit.

262
00:12:29,590 --> 00:12:30,670
God, I'm off again.

263
00:12:31,330 --> 00:12:32,380
Not just...

264
00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:41,309
In our first flat, there was an old man
who lived next door, Mr

265
00:12:41,310 --> 00:12:42,360
Leonardi.

266
00:12:42,970 --> 00:12:47,970
And one Christmas day... Oh, God,
Christmas day.

267
00:12:48,590 --> 00:12:49,670
What have I done?

268
00:12:50,050 --> 00:12:51,810
Go and get more tissues from the van.

269
00:12:52,530 --> 00:12:54,690
Vincent, you're not keeping them.

270
00:12:55,610 --> 00:12:56,660
Henry,

271
00:12:56,661 --> 00:13:00,409
I'll do something nice to him. You know,
some wee family photographs through

272
00:13:00,410 --> 00:13:01,850
them, maybe some wee candles.

273
00:13:02,070 --> 00:13:03,120
A shrine.

274
00:13:03,121 --> 00:13:05,509
You're going to make the bastard a
shrine?

275
00:13:05,510 --> 00:13:06,670
Stop it, Henry.

276
00:13:06,671 --> 00:13:09,889
You always talk about my dar that he was
horrible.

277
00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:12,710
You spoil my memories of him. You barely
remember him.

278
00:13:13,390 --> 00:13:14,830
I remember he was good to me.

279
00:13:15,250 --> 00:13:16,300
And kind.

280
00:13:16,850 --> 00:13:18,450
And he would take me nice places.

281
00:13:18,670 --> 00:13:19,720
When?

282
00:13:20,310 --> 00:13:21,360
Loads of times.

283
00:13:21,910 --> 00:13:24,200
You must be thinking of some dar off the
telly.

284
00:13:24,250 --> 00:13:26,050
Johnny Briggsie's dar or something.

285
00:13:26,330 --> 00:13:29,220
I mind my dar taking me and Vincent to
Sulcoats for the day.

286
00:13:29,410 --> 00:13:31,460
And he bought his candy floss for the
van.

287
00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:36,090
That was Henry that took you to
Salcote's.

288
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:38,440
Well, I mind my tooth came out.

289
00:13:38,441 --> 00:13:42,279
And when my dad thought I was sleeping,
he put a pound under my pillow for the

290
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:43,330
tooth fairy.

291
00:13:43,331 --> 00:13:47,019
More likely my ma put two pound under
there and he was stealing a pound after

292
00:13:47,020 --> 00:13:47,979
you.

293
00:13:47,980 --> 00:13:52,199
We'll be deciding what to do with your
ashes, my man. I'm just no having

294
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:54,120
keeping him like he's the king in there.

295
00:13:55,020 --> 00:13:56,700
No after the way my dad treated him.

296
00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:59,950
Look, my dad just didn't really get me,
all right?

297
00:14:00,380 --> 00:14:02,600
I don't remember him being that bad. I
do.

298
00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:07,359
I remember he would take me places and
leave you crying and begging at the door

299
00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:10,879
to come I've always been a bit of a
crier butty anyway I can still hear you

300
00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:16,079
calling after us I deserved it at times
but you know I was a bit of a boy A bit

301
00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:16,899
of a boy?

302
00:14:16,900 --> 00:14:23,239
I was You were a wee guy that drew wee
robot geangelion angelelions or whatever

303
00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:28,399
it is Neo -Genesis Evangelion I was
annoying but I'm annoying you cannae

304
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:29,920
that You were a wien!

305
00:14:29,921 --> 00:14:33,819
And he wouldn't give you the time of day
because you don't care about football

306
00:14:33,820 --> 00:14:37,199
or boxing or... Well, maybe I should
have tried harder to get along with him

307
00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:38,700
then. I'm not listening to this.

308
00:14:38,900 --> 00:14:40,160
He's gone down the toilet.

309
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:42,790
Henry! Henry! Henry, geez, my da! Henry,
stop him!

310
00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:44,520
Don't you spill my da!

311
00:14:44,740 --> 00:14:47,450
He does not deserve for you to look
after him, Vincent.

312
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:48,860
It's not for him.

313
00:14:49,260 --> 00:14:50,310
It's for me.

314
00:14:51,740 --> 00:14:55,900
Maybe this whole thing has just been...
My da trying to find his way back to me.

315
00:14:55,901 --> 00:14:57,779
Aye.

316
00:14:57,780 --> 00:14:58,900
Back round the U -Bend.

317
00:14:59,290 --> 00:15:00,570
What a stubborn shite.

318
00:15:05,110 --> 00:15:07,700
I think a bit of my da maybe just went
up my nose there.

319
00:15:10,230 --> 00:15:12,550
Maybe Henry's the one with a hazy
memory.

320
00:15:13,170 --> 00:15:16,790
If my da was really that bad, I'd
remember.

321
00:15:21,570 --> 00:15:26,510
I asked Mr Leonhardy what he was doing
for Christmas dinner.

322
00:15:27,150 --> 00:15:33,190
He said that he was standing out with
his son and his family, but... Oh, no.

323
00:15:33,730 --> 00:15:38,790
Henry found out that his son and family
had moved to America that year.

324
00:15:39,050 --> 00:15:40,350
No. Oh, Laura!

325
00:15:40,910 --> 00:15:43,430
And his forgiveness is so awful!

326
00:15:48,670 --> 00:15:51,030
Darren! I'm sorry!

327
00:15:53,650 --> 00:15:54,700
Oh!

328
00:15:57,670 --> 00:15:59,170
Right, he is off questions.

329
00:15:59,370 --> 00:16:01,600
We are back to finding out what Darren
wants.

330
00:16:07,290 --> 00:16:11,290
If I Ginny offered you three crackers, I
wish each, what would it be?

331
00:16:11,830 --> 00:16:13,750
Aren't these girls just amazing?

332
00:16:15,490 --> 00:16:16,690
It's going to have to be.

333
00:16:17,030 --> 00:16:19,320
I'm going to have to do all your mascara
again.

334
00:16:23,130 --> 00:16:24,180
Dream phone.

335
00:16:24,770 --> 00:16:25,820
What's dream phone?

336
00:16:25,821 --> 00:16:28,019
You have to figure out what boys fancy
you.

337
00:16:28,020 --> 00:16:29,070
You're all right.

338
00:16:29,071 --> 00:16:33,319
Come on, I know you're essentially a
lesbian, but would you not still be

339
00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:35,000
to find out what boys fancied you?

340
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:39,420
If I heard somebody fancied me, I'd be
on my dream phone to all the boys.

341
00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:41,130
All right, Spencer?

342
00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:42,530
You into me?

343
00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:43,770
All right, Dale?

344
00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:45,500
Dale? Dale, you into me?

345
00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:49,190
Somebody's drawn love hearts on this
one.

346
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:51,530
Oh, my God, that looks exactly like
Darren.

347
00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:52,980
Black beard, nae sleeves.

348
00:16:53,460 --> 00:16:54,510
That is Darren.

349
00:16:55,390 --> 00:16:56,650
Colette's not changed.

350
00:16:59,070 --> 00:17:00,850
Lynne Weir is a cow.

351
00:17:01,990 --> 00:17:03,040
I changed a bit.

352
00:17:05,810 --> 00:17:07,950
Oh my God.

353
00:17:09,329 --> 00:17:12,010
I found the dark family secret.

354
00:17:14,470 --> 00:17:15,520
Well,

355
00:17:15,930 --> 00:17:19,810
if I had one wish, I know what it is.

356
00:17:20,430 --> 00:17:21,970
But it's scary to say it loud.

357
00:17:23,849 --> 00:17:25,109
I wish I could get married.

358
00:17:25,630 --> 00:17:26,750
Oh, Taryn.

359
00:17:27,430 --> 00:17:28,480
Well,

360
00:17:29,130 --> 00:17:30,510
she's right next door.

361
00:17:31,070 --> 00:17:32,550
Make that wish come true.

362
00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:33,769
I cannae.

363
00:17:33,770 --> 00:17:35,769
Have you never heard Colette talk about
her getting married?

364
00:17:35,770 --> 00:17:37,510
We cannae afford a wedding just now.

365
00:17:37,810 --> 00:17:40,090
I want my big day to be special.

366
00:17:40,390 --> 00:17:44,889
I'm not having a wee registry office
shiter after that Lynn Wears had her

367
00:17:44,890 --> 00:17:46,850
wedding at actual Duck Bay Marina.

368
00:17:46,851 --> 00:17:51,959
Well, the only way you're going to have
a wedding like Colette talks about is if

369
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:53,010
you win the lottery.

370
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:54,280
Which could happen.

371
00:17:54,820 --> 00:17:55,870
The thing is,

372
00:17:55,871 --> 00:17:57,219
we're hurting free.

373
00:17:57,220 --> 00:17:59,270
I feel like I've already won the
lottery.

374
00:17:59,700 --> 00:18:01,600
Oh, my heart just melted.

375
00:18:01,601 --> 00:18:03,919
Do you hear the cringe I've got to put
up with?

376
00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:08,419
How did a cynical wretch like me end up
in a gang with two of the most

377
00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:10,980
sentimental, corny people in the land?

378
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,820
I'm actually quite fond of them, though.

379
00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:18,940
A dark family secret uncovered?

380
00:18:19,260 --> 00:18:20,310
Is it a murder?

381
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:22,300
Is it a sister who's really your mum?

382
00:18:22,460 --> 00:18:24,240
No. It's worse.

383
00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:27,900
It's... A Sega Mega Drive.

384
00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:32,520
What? They never had a Sega Mega Drive.
Well, obviously they did stop shooting.

385
00:18:32,660 --> 00:18:33,740
You don't understand.

386
00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:39,639
Uncle Vincent hates Segas and people who
have Segas. He always says he would

387
00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:41,840
never allow one in his house.

388
00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:45,600
And yet, the box holds the truth.

389
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:47,520
I'm actually buzzing.

390
00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:49,640
I've never uncovered a mystery before.

391
00:18:49,780 --> 00:18:50,980
You better watch, Jason.

392
00:18:50,981 --> 00:18:53,399
This is the kind of knowledge that gets
people killed.

393
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:55,080
I'm going to set that mega drive up.

394
00:18:55,081 --> 00:18:58,479
I cannae wait to see his face when he
realises I've caught him out.

395
00:18:58,480 --> 00:18:59,720
This is massive.

396
00:19:00,460 --> 00:19:05,939
Maybe Colette is telling you not to ask
her as a defence mechanism in case you

397
00:19:05,940 --> 00:19:07,220
really don't want to.

398
00:19:08,140 --> 00:19:09,760
Like reverse psychology.

399
00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:13,270
I cannae deal with front -wise
psychology, never mind reverse.

400
00:19:13,271 --> 00:19:17,549
Knowing Colette, if she was ready to get
married, she would have told him by

401
00:19:17,550 --> 00:19:18,600
now.

402
00:19:18,750 --> 00:19:20,130
Right, hurry up.

403
00:19:21,530 --> 00:19:22,580
Oh,

404
00:19:22,581 --> 00:19:25,829
please don't tell Colette. I was
impersonating her.

405
00:19:25,830 --> 00:19:28,609
But what if she never tells me? And
we'll never get the money.

406
00:19:28,610 --> 00:19:29,670
And it never happens.

407
00:19:29,671 --> 00:19:33,269
Someone needs to tell Colette that
barely anyone has the perfect situation

408
00:19:33,270 --> 00:19:34,129
they get married.

409
00:19:34,130 --> 00:19:35,630
Yeah, that person could be you.

410
00:19:35,710 --> 00:19:37,510
Vincent and I were drunk throughout.

411
00:19:37,770 --> 00:19:39,290
Laura had a shotgun wedding.

412
00:19:40,190 --> 00:19:41,870
That's the coolest thing about me.

413
00:19:42,120 --> 00:19:43,900
I had a shotgun wedding.

414
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:45,700
Makes me sound all gangster.

415
00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:52,119
Aye. Well, I haven't out be an actual
gangster who kept an actual shotgun

416
00:19:52,120 --> 00:19:54,540
his bed, so calm down, Tommy Shelby.

417
00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:56,170
What if she says no?

418
00:19:56,620 --> 00:20:01,739
Well, it will hurt like hell, and then
you will return to the sisterhood, and

419
00:20:01,740 --> 00:20:03,240
will make you feel a bit better.

420
00:20:03,241 --> 00:20:06,159
Do you want to know what made me cry
more than once?

421
00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:07,210
What?

422
00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:09,460
You've let me into the sisterhood.

423
00:20:10,260 --> 00:20:11,310
Nobody's ever.

424
00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:13,000
Asked me to join their gang before.

425
00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:14,970
No, Laura.

426
00:20:15,660 --> 00:20:16,710
Hold it.

427
00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:19,450
Darren's got a very important decision
to make.

428
00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:28,600
Glam squad, take me to the next level.

429
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:31,880
I'm going to propose to the love of my
life.

430
00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:38,010
Can he definitely no be scattered at
Celtic Park?

431
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:40,700
No. Football teams don't allow it.

432
00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:43,340
How? Because too many people would want
it.

433
00:20:43,341 --> 00:20:47,119
The players will need a shovel to find
the ball under all that ash and bone.

434
00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:49,950
Sounds like some of the council pitches
I used to play on.

435
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:51,010
Here's what I think.

436
00:20:51,220 --> 00:20:52,600
My dad might be dead in there.

437
00:20:53,300 --> 00:20:56,310
But he's been living in Vincent's head
for the last 30 years.

438
00:20:57,380 --> 00:20:59,000
Vincent lives in my dad every day.

439
00:20:59,460 --> 00:21:01,260
He should decide what happens to him.

440
00:21:05,820 --> 00:21:07,440
So what are you going to do, Bill?

441
00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:16,770
Here we go.

442
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:24,100
Scariest moment of my life.

443
00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:34,260
Darren, you're absolutely gorgeous.

444
00:21:36,140 --> 00:21:38,060
Did you look like that when we arrived?

445
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:40,730
You used to be about to lip -sync for
your life.

446
00:21:42,180 --> 00:21:44,660
Colette, I've got something I have to
ask you.

447
00:21:49,830 --> 00:21:51,050
Colette. Tiffany Scott.

448
00:21:51,850 --> 00:21:52,900
Tiffany?

449
00:21:53,050 --> 00:21:55,570
Now I know we're known a palace in the
Himalayas.

450
00:21:55,790 --> 00:21:57,230
And I know I've no get the ring.

451
00:21:57,510 --> 00:22:01,770
You told me under no circumstances
whatsoever was I to pick a ring myself.

452
00:22:02,050 --> 00:22:03,100
Darren.

453
00:22:03,390 --> 00:22:04,770
But I've got this onion ring.

454
00:22:05,270 --> 00:22:06,410
It's a wee placeholder.

455
00:22:06,590 --> 00:22:07,640
That was my idea.

456
00:22:07,970 --> 00:22:13,230
And what I want to know is... Will
you... Stop.

457
00:22:13,231 --> 00:22:14,889
Get up.

458
00:22:14,890 --> 00:22:17,850
Colette, I'm trying to... Get off your
knees.

459
00:22:18,929 --> 00:22:20,430
Did you two put him up to this?

460
00:22:20,850 --> 00:22:21,900
No. No.

461
00:22:21,901 --> 00:22:24,129
Darren, you're not proposing to me.

462
00:22:24,130 --> 00:22:25,510
I am. No, you're not!

463
00:22:25,890 --> 00:22:26,940
Get up!

464
00:22:27,230 --> 00:22:30,590
Darren, don't make me say no to you
because I'll say it.

465
00:22:33,610 --> 00:22:37,870
You know I want a lavish bells and
whistles boz -out wedding.

466
00:22:38,650 --> 00:22:40,030
A boz -out wedding?

467
00:22:40,530 --> 00:22:41,790
And what could we afford?

468
00:22:42,370 --> 00:22:45,110
You even had to make a joke of things
with an onion ring.

469
00:22:45,490 --> 00:22:46,830
That was silly, Darren.

470
00:22:47,310 --> 00:22:48,950
And that's what we could have.

471
00:22:49,250 --> 00:22:51,690
A wee cheap onion ring of a wedding.

472
00:22:52,070 --> 00:22:53,940
But if we wait until we can afford...
No!

473
00:22:54,290 --> 00:22:56,610
There's been too many compromises in my
life.

474
00:22:57,150 --> 00:23:01,370
I decided not to be an R andB superstar
because I wanted to raise my child.

475
00:23:02,130 --> 00:23:05,500
I've dreamt of this fairy tale wedding
since I've been a wee lassie.

476
00:23:06,430 --> 00:23:07,870
Just as they get compromised.

477
00:23:08,490 --> 00:23:09,540
Onion ring.

478
00:23:10,590 --> 00:23:12,010
Front of my dad, no.

479
00:23:12,850 --> 00:23:13,900
Front of your dad?

480
00:23:17,260 --> 00:23:18,580
No point you've got to be.

481
00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:22,220
Why is there an urn next to me?

482
00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:27,210
Darren.

483
00:23:27,620 --> 00:23:28,670
Oh.

484
00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:33,740
Never mind feeling sorry for Darren.

485
00:23:34,100 --> 00:23:36,020
He knows I want to get married.

486
00:23:36,420 --> 00:23:37,500
Just no yet.

487
00:23:43,380 --> 00:23:45,640
Why did you make me do that to you,
Darren?

488
00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:48,180
Oh, darling.

489
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:49,570
Come here.

490
00:23:50,180 --> 00:23:53,840
And this is what the sisterhood is
really all about.

491
00:23:54,300 --> 00:23:56,980
Comfort for each other.

492
00:23:57,820 --> 00:24:04,800
When this batshit family hits us with a
curveball, which is all the effing time.

493
00:24:08,120 --> 00:24:09,170
Sorry.

494
00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:12,240
I'm just remembering Mr. Leonardo as
well now.

495
00:24:19,901 --> 00:24:21,909
You all good?

496
00:24:21,910 --> 00:24:23,030
All good, man.

497
00:24:23,610 --> 00:24:24,660
All good.

498
00:24:25,030 --> 00:24:27,680
Well, if the nature wants to stay and
play some games.

499
00:24:27,930 --> 00:24:29,030
Sweet. I'll join them.

500
00:24:29,550 --> 00:24:31,170
Hi. Bye now. Right, bye.

501
00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:49,120
A sound I have nae heard for a long,
long time.

502
00:24:49,580 --> 00:24:52,540
Golden Axe. Mega Drive.

503
00:24:53,500 --> 00:24:54,550
Right, right.

504
00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:55,980
Running out of magic.

505
00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:00,280
Right. Right, right, right, right.

506
00:25:00,500 --> 00:25:01,580
Ah, I do.

507
00:25:02,380 --> 00:25:06,640
Oh, explain this, mister. I hate Sega
consoles, nobody that had one.

508
00:25:07,120 --> 00:25:08,820
Why was this in a box?

509
00:25:10,580 --> 00:25:12,040
Christmas, 1990.

510
00:25:13,180 --> 00:25:14,320
I got a mega drive.

511
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:17,000
Best present I'd ever got for my ma, my
da.

512
00:25:17,001 --> 00:25:21,219
Me and Henry set it up, just playing,
just carrying on, just wee guys carrying

513
00:25:21,220 --> 00:25:24,779
on, and I'm shouting, oh, you're button
bashing, you're button bashing.

514
00:25:24,780 --> 00:25:28,259
And my da comes in and he just pulls it
right out the wall and he says, oh,

515
00:25:28,260 --> 00:25:31,419
you'll get that back when you're still
being such a greeting -faced wee

516
00:25:31,420 --> 00:25:32,620
embarrassment, he says.

517
00:25:34,700 --> 00:25:35,750
Never got it back.

518
00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:39,480
I just thought he'd pawned it.

519
00:25:42,030 --> 00:25:43,770
I remember what it was like already.

520
00:25:51,870 --> 00:25:58,409
Ran away from home when I was 17 to be
with you

521
00:25:58,410 --> 00:26:02,450
on the California coast.

522
00:26:04,650 --> 00:26:09,110
Drinking margaritas all night in the old
cantina.

523
00:26:10,250 --> 00:26:13,470
Out on the California coast.

524
00:26:15,610 --> 00:26:18,950
Don't think that I'm ungrateful.

525
00:26:21,390 --> 00:26:24,290
Don't look so low.

526
00:26:47,530 --> 00:26:52,589
but we came pretty close adios

527
00:26:52,590 --> 00:27:05,389
adios

528
00:27:05,390 --> 00:27:11,989
going up north for the hills of winter
green i gotta leave

529
00:27:11,990 --> 00:27:18,480
you beautiful day pitch looks perfect
And look where we are there.

530
00:27:18,860 --> 00:27:20,360
Right on the centre spot.

531
00:27:22,260 --> 00:27:23,500
And that's you here.

532
00:27:24,460 --> 00:27:26,380
Forever and ever.

533
00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:31,250
Beautiful day for a wee tour of the
stadium, Dad.

534
00:27:31,940 --> 00:27:34,160
Just me and you.

535
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:37,800
And me, Johnny, you bastard.

536
00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:41,090
Listen,

537
00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:43,850
thanks for organising that wee tour,
Ronnie.

538
00:27:44,060 --> 00:27:45,440
You never suspected a thing.

539
00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:46,850
My pleasure, Vince.

540
00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:49,160
I'll make a blue nose of you yet.

541
00:27:49,161 --> 00:27:50,699
Eh? Morn.

542
00:27:50,700 --> 00:27:51,750
Eh? Pipe.

543
00:27:52,060 --> 00:27:53,110
Eh? Come on.

544
00:27:54,020 --> 00:27:55,070
What's wrong?

545
00:27:55,100 --> 00:27:56,150
I'm dying.

546
00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:59,860
Again? He said I've got fatty liver.

547
00:28:00,620 --> 00:28:02,000
Why didn't you call Bonnie?

548
00:28:02,380 --> 00:28:04,400
Bonnie does not do illness.

549
00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:06,210
Come on.

550
00:28:06,940 --> 00:28:10,960
Ouch. Darren is actually happy that I
knocked back his proposal.

551
00:28:11,900 --> 00:28:13,780
Rowan, are you going to buy a motor?

552
00:28:13,781 --> 00:28:15,099
Take your bath.

553
00:28:15,100 --> 00:28:16,109
I've got a flat sorted.

554
00:28:16,110 --> 00:28:17,850
I've been scoped to play through it.

555
00:28:17,950 --> 00:28:19,350
No, it's stakeout time.

556
00:28:19,351 --> 00:28:22,529
The neighbor's turned Jason into a drugs
meal.

557
00:28:22,530 --> 00:28:23,579
Treating me like -

558
00:28:23,580 --> 00:28:28,130
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